Latest Asset Management Contents 2020 Updated
Hoarding What You Already Have
Asset management’s first principle is hoarding what you already have. This is done by hiding your money in tax shelters, savings, and investments. If you spend your money on consumables, then you are actually using it (using money is bad). The idea is to put your money where you and the government can not use it.
Two contradictory quotes are attributed to Ben Franklin that relate to asset management: “It is better to give than to receive” and “A penny saved is a penny earned.” I think we all have a little Ben Franklin in us.
There’s more to the story, however. Some revisionist historians believe that neither phrase was coined by Franklin himself. The one about giving was first stated by his minister at a sermon; while the penny quote is now attributed to his certified financial advisor (CFA), who was giving him asset management advice.
In any case, these two statements are a testament to the age-old conflict between spirituality and charity versus good old fashioned greed and desire for wealth. This dilemma may cause some consternation for God-fearing citizens in our modern, materialistic society.
There is really no resolution to this conflict except to pick one or the other. As the old saying goes, “You can’t have your cake and eat it too.” I believe that Asset Management and its incumbent hoarding versus personal salvation is a difficult choice each of us must make on our own.
Getting Your Assets Off Birth Control
The second principle of asset management is to make your assets reproduce at a faster rate. Unlike mammals, assets don’t require long gestation periods to reproduce, and they don’t have hair. The exception is the Emu farm, which can be both a valuable, and hairy, asset.
In order to get your assets to reproduce faster, you have to put your money in romantic places.
These include tech stocks, highly leveraged derivatives, and Las Vegas. Granted, these vehicles are extremely risky. But higher risk often leads to higher returns. To use the reproduction analogy, it’s as if the hottest nightclub was in the most dangerous part of town. You might reproduce, or you might get shot and killed.
Getting shot and killed is exactly how I managed my portfolio, by the way. I put money in priceline.com, verticalnet.com, and some other high flying tech stocks. Now I’m making a web site. Do you think I’d be doing this if my assets reproduced? So get those assets off birth control and into the bedroom before you end up publishing web sites.
The Long, Safe Road to Reproduction
The other way to get your assets to reproduce is long, steady saving. This is akin to the 50-year marriage that generates 7 children. I also call this the Irish Catholic method of asset reproduction. Warren Buffet practices this kind of reproduction, which is strange because if anything, he’s English and probably Protestant. Perhaps this kind of reliable, time tested investment is your style. Others believe that it’s only for sissies.
Asset Management Disclaimer
The principles on this page should not be followed without checking with your financial advisor. And never start a diet without consulting your doctor. Check with Ben Franklin’s certified financial advisor for more information on asset management.